I Relapsed. Now What Do I Do?
The American Society of Addiction Medicine defines addiction as “… a treatable, chronic medical disease…” Like many other chronic diseases – diabetes, Crohn’s disease – that can be well-managed, or in remission for years, relapse can be part of the addiction recovery journey for some people.
Relapse does not need to be seen as a failure in recovery. Rather, it can be seen as a signal that something was not working and needs to be adjusted or modified to maintain recovery.
Relapse Starts Before Return to Use
Many people believe that relapse occurs when a person returns to substance use, but relapse isn’t a single moment; it starts long before someone picks back up. In fact, there are three stages of relapse:
- Emotional: Often, the person isn’t thinking about using, but there are emotional or behavioral patterns that set the stage. In general, they are behaviors that drift away from recovery habits and can include: bottling up feelings, isolating, lapse in personal hygiene, or skipping meetings.
- Mental: During this stage, the internal tug-of-war begins. Romanticizing past use, thinking “it wasn’t that bad,” or believing that they can have “just one.” Oftentimes, people will experience increased urges to use or intense cravings.
- Physical: This is the stage that many people think of when they hear relapse, but it’s actually the final step. Once a person has reached physical relapse, it generally follows a period of escalating emotional and mental struggle. By this point, return to use has been building for a while.
After Relapse: What Happens Next Matters Most
There’s a lot of shame and guilt around relapse. It can feel like a failure. But relapse isn’t a moral, physical, or mental shortcoming, and doesn’t erase the progress that you have made. What matters isn’t the setback; it’s what happens next.
- Admit you need help. Acknowledge that while this event did occur, it does not define who you are, and that you can make a change now. As long as we are still breathing, recovery is available to us. We can choose to get back to recovery instead of remaining in the relapse or active addiction.
- Identify your helpers. Who will assist you in your recovery journey at this time? It could be a sponsor, friend, family member, counselor, medical professional, or treatment center. Do you need a medical treatment center at this time? It’s important to reach out for—and accept—the level of help you need.
- Get to the root. Figure out what was not working for you that led to a relapse or slip. There are always signs and signals before a substance is even picked up, even if they cannot be initially identified. Work with a sponsor, counselor, or peer recovery specialist to figure out the pre-lapse signs to watch out for in the future, as well as what additional supports may be needed or changes should be made in your life to support recovery.
- Reduce risk where you can. While we have to live life on life’s terms, we can certainly choose not to put ourselves in harm’s way. We can avoid working excessive overtime, starting arguments, or spending time with “friends” who are still in active use to reduce stress and manage triggers. Work with a recovery coach or counselor to identify your personal triggers and stressors, and make a stress management plan
- Adjust your plan. Recovery isn’t one-size-fits-all and can evolve over time. Work with your helpers to create a relapse prevention plan that identifies triggers, strengthens coping strategies, and helps reduce the risk of future setbacks.
Moving Forward in Recovery
Relapse can feel discouraging, but it can also be a turning point. It can offer an opportunity to better understand yourself and your needs, strengthen your support system, and build a more sustainable path forward.
The most important thing to remember is that recovery isn’t about perfection; it’s about persistence. Each step back into recovery is a step forward towards our true selves.